She's So Gone
by obsessedfangirl9163
Summary: Clarissa-Clary-Fray. She sounds like an ordinary girl, and to the common eye, she is. But inside the pain of her parent's divorce and everything else remains bottled up inside of her. When she starts writing in a "diary" to relive some of that pain, what happens next? Will she ever find the strength to tell her best friend of all the torment she has in her mind? AU AH a little OOC


**So this is a new story I'm thinking about starting, on my second fanfiction account so I can actually write something without fear of my parents reading it and breathing down my neck about what I wrote. But this is still a T rated ff. I don't write smut. Btw grammar will be terrible because I try, and fail at it.**

"Come on Clary just wear the bow! It's a school dress day and these this bow has school color!" Leave it to Izzy to alway incorporate fashion into _anything._

"Izzy that's a _bow_ , and I'm _Clary_. The girl that wear t-shirts and jeans every single day, and has no fashion sense whatsoever. You know I'm your best friend and it offends me that you know so little!" I exclaimed, feigning hurt.

"Well it's my duty as you best friend to help you with my fashion advice then." Izzy offers again, practically taking my hair down to put the bow in.  
"I'm never getting out of this aren't I?"  
"Nope."  
"Fine, but only until lunch. I have something called pride."  
"That's good enough for me."  
"Whatever suits you Iz. Now if the fashion queen is alright with my going to art."  
"I think that the queen will be able to survive without your presence."  
-

Why were so many people giving me weird looks? I mean it's only a silly little bow? Seriously?  
"So Eric tell me how ridiculous do I actually look?"

"I don't really know how to respond to that without you wanting to hit me." _Wait what? When did people have to watch what they said around me? That was last year when I lashed out! How can people still be afraid of me?_

"Well that was in the past, now I need to go and grab my brushes." _I said, finding my way out of that awkward conversation… Was that real?  
-_

"Hey Clary can you do the dishes?"  
"Sure I totally wasn't doing homework or anything…" I reply as I meander over to the dishwasher, cringing at the how full it is.

"So how was school sweetie?" _You did not just say that mom. If you even knew anything about me, then you would know that that's not how you make your 15 year old daughter talk._

"It was fine."  
"Okay so this day might not have been the greatest but if you would cut the attitude that would be great."  
"Well sorry that I'm just no overly excited about doing chores that I hate."  
"Young lady that is no way to talk to your mother!"  
"Well SORRY that I'm just not in a great mood, I hope that doesn't displease you."  
"You need to be more helpful around this house. Pull your weight around you ungrateful little byotch! You make me do everything around this household! Your room is a mess, you live like a pig, I have given up so much for you and you don't even appreciate what I do for you!"  
 _She just called me a byotch. So in my mom's eyes I'm a bitch practically, and when people see me at school they're afraid of me. What has my life come to. I guess that they're not wrong…_

"I'm working on it mom." With that I finish putting the last ceramic plate in the drawer.

 _People are afraid of me, my mom hates me, why can't anything go right in my world?_

Something claws deep inside of me, like there's a pain in my heart. As if I've been sucked into the hole in _Through The Looking Glass,_ but instead of it leading to a magical wonderland I just fell deeper and deeper into a hole full of angst and despair. A pain was trapped inside of me and I had to get it out. It's a crazy idea but, why not do the cliché option? Is a "diary" option really that bad? Well it might lose the sorrow.

 _February 13, 2016_

 _Have you ever been scolded or yelled at in your life? Called rude and unnessicarliy harsh names just for being yourself? This is happening to me every single day of my life. Just minutes ago my dad called me an ass because I was pretending to play the saxophone because a jazzy tune started playing on the insanely boring movie that we were watching. Not to mention I was sitting on the couch and how was I supposed to enjoy that old stuff? Sure I sound like a spoiled brat but I guess that's the truth. My mom called me an "ungrateful little byotch" because I got upset that I had to do something that should already be a normal thing. I'm expected to always have my room clean and unkept-you can barely walk in it. Have a nice and polite attitude-I make rude sarcastic comments to just about everything. My mom wants me to stray from my usual jeans and t-shirt attire, and wear the nice stuff she buys for me. It might not sound like a ton of requirements to meet, but their so hard for me to complete. I've been trying my entire life to clean my room, have a good attitude, i use to dress nice. But I ruined all of that._

 _Maybe my mom is right. I am just an ungrateful little bitch who needs to grow up and stop being so self-centered. she always goes on about "her perfect little girl" who was there when I wasn't even in double digits. All the time I'm criticized and receive absolutely no sympathy because "it really hurts them to see me act like this to them". Has it ever occurred to you that it might hurt me with all of your harsh words and over expecting expectations. You are what let me astray, and now I'm left typing this on my laptop, crying silent tears of pain and my nose is so runny and itchy. I can't even call or text my best friend because I'm too afraid that you'll find out and be disappointed in me or make me explain what I was texting her about. I also won't text Izzy because I know that she'll take the bitch's side, and that she'll go on and on about how hard it is to raise a child and other boring shit. I know that I already ruined my parents lives, I don't need a reminder like a slap in the face. Maybe that's why I'm doing this, writing in a "journal" no matter how clichè it is. I just… It is too much to ask to be accepted in this world? All the time I get grades that might not be good enough get into my dream collage or the scholarship program that I want so I can feel safer about my future. I am messed up in every human way possible._

 **So it's not that great, and my grammar-what did I tell you? I don't even think this is that great of an idea, but I'll think about continuing this.**


End file.
